::: Creating that gorgeous smile of the day :::

[pakarang]

Literally translated...:

'' hey, that's nasty.... so, what are you wearing..?.... "

[Seagull]

Not all the images that came out of the Royal wedding in London was of the royal sort....

….man in uniform…and look what happens

[Seagull]

....hey, that's nasty.... so, what are you wearing..?....

ok, ok, I know, it’s a “what are you wearing” thing…….but I see you’re sticking with that dubious translation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[janihudi]

[pakarang]

Finn.no is Norway's online second hand market.... under the banner "Free Give Away's" I found this advertisement:

"Nicely used black tape is given away"

"Description:

Nice black tape of high quality is given away due to the purchase of a new one.

The tape can be used on anything. In fact, one of the best tapes I have ever had, but unfortunately, I do not have room for it in my drawer.

Call or send me a mail..."

[Remarc]

A Homeless Man's Funeral


As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. didn't know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. As I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

Apparently I'm still lost.... it's a man thing.

[Remarc]

Four guys had been going to the same remote fishing spot for many years.

Two days before the group was to leave, Ron's wife put her foot down and told him he wasn't going.

Ron's friends were very upset that he couldn't go, but what could they do.

Two days later the three get to the camp site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.

"Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

"I've been here since yesterday," said Ron.

"What happened?" his friends inquired.

"Well, yesterday evening, I was just sitting in my chair at home. My wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'guess who?'

I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a brand new see-through negligee.

She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom; the room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! Then she told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, which I did.

And then she said, "Now you can do whatever you want."


So, here I am.

[Sterkoder]

One of the funniest I've seen. Turn up the volume...

[pakarang]

Hahahaha...

The dog was so perfectly positioned.... very funny!

[Guest]

sailorswife ...

[Oistein]

This one has been here before, but now with English subtitles.

[Oistein]

Or with German subtitles:

[Guest]

From the quai, a woman saw the old tugboatcaptain mooring his tug very exactly. She was impressed, that such an old man was still working in his demanding profession and decided to interview him. So she asked him how he did this:
"Captain, what is the secret for such a long and productive life?" she asked.
"Well," answered the captain, "I smoke 3 bundles heavy shag a day, drink one liter whisky every seven days, eat too much fat and I don't do sports at all."
"Incredible! I can't believe it!!" the woman replied. "And how old are you right now?"
The captain said: "31".

[Steve.B]

From the quai, a woman saw the old tugboatcaptain mooring his tug very exactly. She was impressed, that such an old man was still working in his demanding profession and decided to interview him. So she asked him how he did this:
"Captain, what is the secret for such a long and productive life?" she asked.
"Well," answered the captain, "I smoke 3 bundles heavy shag a day, drink one liter whisky every seven days, eat too much fat and I don't do sports at all."
"Incredible! I can't believe it!!" the woman replied. "And how old are you right now?"
The captain said: "31".

Nice one Maria!

[Remarc]

Are You Afraid of Me?

A few minutes before the church services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.

"Nope, sure ain't." said the man.

"Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan.

"Don't doubt it for a minute." returned the old man, in an even tone.

"Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical
AGONY for all eternity??" persisted Satan.

"Yep." was the calm reply.

"And you're still not afraid?!" asked Satan.

"Nope."

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me? "

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."