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    #91
    That is exactly how I felt for an hour while getting my root canal.

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      #92
      WHAT REALLY BROUGHT DOWN THE US AIR FLIGHT INTO THE HUDSON
      Last edited by ehp; February 28th, 2009, 23:46.

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        #93
        Hahaha Talibangeese
        "I may not be able to control the wind, but I can adjust my sails."

        Enthusiastically regards
        Torbjørn Nybø

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          #94
          To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

          Dear Dogs and Cats,
          The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

          The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

          I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

          For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open.

          I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.

          The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.
          I cannot stress this enough!

          To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
          To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
          1. They live here. You don't.
          2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it 'fur'niture.)
          3. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

          Remember:
          Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
          1. Eat less
          2. Don't ask for money all the time
          3 Are easier to train
          4. Normally come when called
          5. Never ask to drive the car
          6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
          7. Don't smoke or drink
          8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
          9. Don't want to wear your clothes
          10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
          11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

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            #95
            Last edited by ehp; February 28th, 2009, 23:48.

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              #96
              You are a Nerd If...

              - If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires

              - If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal

              - If you have more toys than your kids

              - If you need a checklist to turn on the TV

              - If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name

              - If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work

              - If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight

              - If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix it

              - If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary

              - If you have memorized the program scheduled for the Discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already
              With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

              Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
              Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com

              Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

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                #97
                David Letterman working the Taco Bell Drive Thru--HILARIOUS

                http://www.searchles.com/channels/show/3584

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                  #98
                  Drawing a Woman from the inside out--really cool to watch!!!!!

                  http://fcmx.net/vec/get.swf?i=003702

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                    #99
                    Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
                    A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"
                    "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."


                    Øistein

                    If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you...

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                      Originally posted by pakarang View Post
                      You are a Nerd If...

                      - If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires
                      Guilty. I change my screen background and screensavers often.

                      - If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal
                      I have a copier in the house but the toaster works well. Does that count?

                      - If you have more toys than your kids
                      Are you kidding? I would never share my toys with kids and yes I have more and better toys.

                      - If you need a checklist to turn on the TV
                      Nope. I have programmable remote that does that.



                      - If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name
                      Nope, no kids.

                      - If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work
                      All the time. My most recent victim was a 17" LCD monitor.

                      - If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight
                      Yes, but only because I keep my weight under control. I can gain weight faster than I can learn.

                      - If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix it
                      Not only fix it, but soup it up and make it better.

                      - If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary
                      I can not remember either and they both get me in trouble on a regular basis.

                      - If you have memorized the program scheduled for the Discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already
                      If I have not seen it the DVR is recording it.

                      Oops. I forgot to take it out of quote mode.
                      Last edited by pilotdane; January 31st, 2009, 02:42.

                      Comment


                        Originally posted by Oistein View Post
                        Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
                        A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"
                        "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."

                        Nice one!
                        With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

                        Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
                        Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com

                        Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

                        Comment


                          You Know You're Growing Older When

                          - Everything hurts , and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work anyway.

                          - The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

                          - You feel like you really hung one one the night before, and you were in bed asleep by eight.

                          - You get winded playing chess.

                          - Your children begin to look middle-aged.

                          - You join a health club and don't go.

                          - You begin to outlive enthusiasm.

                          - Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet.

                          - You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.

                          - You look forward to a dull evening.

                          - Your favorite part of the newspaper is "25 years ago today!"

                          - You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

                          - Your knees buckle and your belt won't.

                          - You're 17 around the neck and 42 around the waist.

                          - You stop looking forward to your next birthday.

                          - Dialing long distance wears you out.
                          With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

                          Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
                          Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com

                          Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

                          Comment


                            You Know You Work for the Government If...

                            - When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.

                            - You get really excited about a 2% pay raise.

                            - Your biggest loss from a system crash is you lose your best jokes.

                            - Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.

                            - You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.

                            - It no longer amazes you that computer security is more important than having computers.

                            - Your office computer was just upgraded to a 200 MHz Pentium this year.

                            - Computer specialists know less about computers than your teenager.

                            - Lunch is like another scheduled meeting, only shorter.

                            - You and your coequals always consume the free food left over from VIP meetings.

                            - It's dark when you drive to and from work.

                            - You're forced to park your car a mile from the office because of all the commanders, customers, designated contractor, VIP's, employees of the month/quarter/year and visitor, parking spaces by the main entrance.
                            With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

                            Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
                            Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com

                            Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

                            Comment


                              Top 10 Drawbacks to Working in a Cubicle

                              10. Being told to 'Think outside the Box' when you're in a box all day long.

                              9. Not being able to check e-mail attachments without turning around to see who's behind you.

                              8. Fabric cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gunfire.

                              7. Always having that nagging feeling that if you press the right button, you'll get a piece of cheese!

                              6. Lack of roof rafters for the noose.

                              5. The walls are too close together for the hammock to work right.

                              4. There are 23 power cords but only ONE outlet.

                              3. Prison cells are not only bigger... they also have beds.

                              2. When tours come through, you get lots of peanuts thrown at you.

                              1. You can't slam the door when you quit and walk out. (I have a piece of cardboard with a knob drawn on it. I slam that quite often. Not the same effect as wood, though).
                              With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

                              Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
                              Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com

                              Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

                              Comment


                                Originally posted by pakarang View Post
                                You Know You're Growing Older When
                                Gee, thanks, Jan-Olav...the title of this thread is "Creating that gorgeous SMILE of the day...not depressing your fellow officers further.......

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