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::: Creating that gorgeous smile of the day :::

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  • Re: ::: Creating that gorgeous smile of the day :::

    Remarc... very nice one!

    I call it the "circle of life"!
    With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

    Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
    Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com
    Old forum: http://captainsvoyage.7.forumer.com/
    Join us: Save the "Kong Olav" on facebook

    Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

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    • Re: ::: Creating that gorgeous smile of the day :::

      WHO IS JACK SCHITT?

      For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?

      We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt'!
      Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

      Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, who married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

      In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

      Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
      After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
      Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

      Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
      The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

      Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.
      He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

      Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt', you can correct them.

      Sincerely,
      Crock O. Schitt

      Comment


      • Re: ::: Creating that gorgeous smile of the day :::

        A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was very nervous, so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his latex gloves.
        'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked.
        'No, I don't,' she replied.
        'Well,' he spoofed, 'there's a building here in Canada with a big tank of latex, and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry,
        then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size.'
        She didn't even crack a smile.
        'Oh, well. At least I tried,' he thought.
        But about five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she suddenly burst out laughing.
        'What's so funny?' he asked her.
        'I was just envisioning how condoms are made!'
        (Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working!)

        Comment


        • Re: ::: Creating that gorgeous smile of the day :::

          The Ostrich

          A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

          The waitress asks them for their orders.

          The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

          "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

          A short time later the waitress returns with the order.

          "That will be $9.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

          The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke."

          The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

          Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until the two enter again.

          "The usual asks the waitress?"

          "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man.

          "Same," says the ostrich.

          Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."

          Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

          The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer.

          "Excuse me, sir.

          How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"

          "Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

          "That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

          "That's right.Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce,the exact money is always there," says the man.

          The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"

          The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.."

          Comment


          • Re: ::: Creating that gorgeous smile of the day :::



            "I have chosen two pairs of Adidas, to pairs Nike, two Samsung flatscreen TV's, two Toyota Yaris....."

            "If Noah had built his arch today".
            With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

            Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
            Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com
            Old forum: http://captainsvoyage.7.forumer.com/
            Join us: Save the "Kong Olav" on facebook

            Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

            Comment


            • Re: ::: Creating that gorgeous smile of the day :::

              Hahaha, this interview ended in a funny way :L

              http://artige.no/bilde/9435

              Comment


              • Re: ::: Creating that gorgeous smile of the day :::

                THE BLONDE MORTICIAN

                A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

                The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

                The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

                The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly...

                She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'
                To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.

                'There's no charge,' she says.

                'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

                'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'

                'So I just switched the heads.'

                Comment


                • Re: ::: Creating that gorgeous smile of the day :::

                  Little Girl On A Plane

                  A congressman was seated in first class next to a little girl on an airplane. He turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

                  The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
                  "Oh, I don't know," said the congressman. "How about global warming, universal health care or stimulus packages?" as he smiled smugly.

                  "OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff - g rass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

                  The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

                  To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming, universal health care or the economy when you don't know crap?"

                  Then she went back to reading her book.

                  Comment


                  • Re: ::: Creating that gorgeous smile of the day :::

                    Many truths are mentioned here.


                    Ĝistein

                    If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you...

                    Comment


                    • Re: ::: Creating that gorgeous smile of the day :::

                      This made me weep with laughter...

                      There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

                      In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:

                      GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

                      BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'


                      I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

                      Medically, speaking there is No difference in the outcome.

                      (Both result in death.)

                      Comment


                      • Re: ::: Creating that gorgeous smile of the day :::

                        A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland . As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. 'These,' she explained, 'are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.' She then asked, 'What do you do in America with your old goats ?'

                        A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send us on bus tours !'

                        Comment


                        • Re: ::: Creating that gorgeous smile of the day :::

                          Good one, Remarc!

                          Here is a video clip I remember from the 80's when Manila was my home.... I remember the first time I saw this on TV (way before I had even heard of Internet), and how we, my friends and I, sat in front of the small color TV and laughing our sitting-areas off...

                          I still find it hilarious!

                          With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

                          Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
                          Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com
                          Old forum: http://captainsvoyage.7.forumer.com/
                          Join us: Save the "Kong Olav" on facebook

                          Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

                          Comment


                          • Re: ::: Creating that gorgeous smile of the day :::

                            A colleague brought with him the frame of a Honda 50ccm motorbike to work one day. He was supposed to sandblast the frame before painting.
                            Of course, with my fantacy, I saw some sort of an animal....


                            (The frame is placed correct when turned one quarter to the right. Then you'll see that the back wheel will be to the left and the front wheel to the right)
                            "IF GOD COULD MAKE ANGELS...., WHY IN HELL MAKE MAN?"

                            Comment


                            • Re: ::: Creating that gorgeous smile of the day :::

                              Brilliant spot.... I thought it was a vital part of the props from Star Wars....
                              With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

                              Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
                              Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com
                              Old forum: http://captainsvoyage.7.forumer.com/
                              Join us: Save the "Kong Olav" on facebook

                              Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

                              Comment


                              • Re: ::: Creating that gorgeous smile of the day :::

                                TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE
                                1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's!

                                First, we survived being born to mothers
                                Who smoked and/or drank while they were
                                Pregnant.

                                They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing,
                                Tuna from a can and didn't get tested for diabetes.

                                Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-base paints.

                                We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles,
                                Locks on doors or cabinets and when we rode
                                Our bikes, we had baseball caps not helmets on our heads.

                                As infants & children,
                                We would ride in cars with no car seats,
                                No booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes.

                                Riding in the back of a pick-up truck on a warm day
                                Was always a special treat.

                                We drank water
                                From the garden hose and not from a bottle.
                                We shared one soft drink with four friends,
                                From one bottle and no one actually died from this.

                                We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter and bacon.
                                We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar.
                                And, we weren't overweight.

                                WHY?

                                Because we were
                                Always outside playing...that's why!

                                We would leave home in the morning and play all day,
                                As long as we were back when the
                                Streetlights came on.

                                No one was able
                                To reach us all day. And, we were O.K.

                                We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps
                                And then ride them down the hill, only to find out
                                We forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes
                                a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

                                We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's and X-boxes.
                                There were no video games, no 150 channels on cable,
                                No video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's,
                                No cell phones, No personal computers, no Internet and no chat rooms. WE HAD FRIENDS
                                And we went outside and found them!

                                We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth
                                And there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

                                We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt,
                                And the worms did not live in us
                                Forever.

                                We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays,
                                Made up games with sticks and tennis balls and,
                                Although we were told it would happen,
                                We did not put out very many eyes.

                                We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and
                                Knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just
                                Walked in and talked to them.

                                Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team.
                                Those who didn't had to learn to deal
                                With disappointment.

                                Imagine that!!

                                The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law
                                Was unheard of.
                                They actually sided with the law!

                                These generations have produced some of the best
                                Risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever.

                                The past 50 years
                                Have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
                                We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility,
                                and we learned how to deal with it all.

                                If YOU are one of them?
                                CONGRATULATIONS!

                                You had the luck to grow up as kids, before the
                                lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives
                                for our own good.

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