Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

::: Creating that gorgeous smile of the day :::

Collapse
This is a sticky topic.
X
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Are You Afraid of Me?

    A few minutes before the church services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

    Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
    Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

    The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

    "Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.

    "Nope, sure ain't." said the man.

    "Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan.

    "Don't doubt it for a minute." returned the old man, in an even tone.

    "Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical
    AGONY for all eternity??" persisted Satan.

    "Yep." was the calm reply.

    "And you're still not afraid?!" asked Satan.

    "Nope."

    More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me? "

    The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

    Comment


      Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha ha......

      Thank you, 'Remarc'....., needed that laugh....!!!
      "IF GOD COULD MAKE ANGELS...., WHY IN HELL MAKE MAN?"

      Comment


        Ten Thoughts to Ponder

        Number 10
        Life is ***ually transmitted.

        Number 9
        Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

        Number 8
        Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see one without an erection, make him a sandwich ..

        Number 7
        Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day, teach him to use the Internet and he won't bother you for weeks.

        Number 6
        Some people are like a Slinky ... not really good for anything, and you can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

        Number 5
        Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in a hospital, dying of nothing.

        Number 4
        All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

        Number 3
        Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00, and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

        Number 2
        In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

        And The Number 1 Thought
        Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers; what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

        Comment


          Re: ::: Creating that gorgeous smile of the day :::

          Originally posted by ehp View Post
          Number 8
          Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see one without an erection, make him a sandwich ..
          FINALLY, a WOMAN who understands what HER job is.
          best regards Thijs

          Comment


            Re: ::: Creating that gorgeous smile of the day :::

            Originally posted by ehp View Post
            Ten Thoughts to Ponder

            Number 10
            Life is ***ually transmitted.

            Number 9
            Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

            Number 8
            Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see one without an erection, make him a sandwich ..

            Number 7
            Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day, teach him to use the Internet and he won't bother you for weeks.

            Number 6
            Some people are like a Slinky ... not really good for anything, and you can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

            Number 5
            Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in a hospital, dying of nothing.

            Number 4
            All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

            Number 3
            Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00, and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

            Number 2
            In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

            And The Number 1 Thought
            Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers; what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
            These are nothing but genius! Love them all... I will adopt them and try to remember them next time someone asks me to say something funny.
            With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

            Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
            Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com
            Old forum: http://captainsvoyage.7.forumer.com/
            Join us: Save the "Kong Olav" on facebook

            Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

            Comment


              Re: ::: Creating that gorgeous smile of the day :::

              Have a good laugh:



              With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

              Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
              Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com
              Old forum: http://captainsvoyage.7.forumer.com/
              Join us: Save the "Kong Olav" on facebook

              Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

              Comment


                Re: ::: Creating that gorgeous smile of the day :::

                That jalapeno thing....is that from the Bellamy Brothers song "Jalapeno"? :P
                10 great thoughts, and if you have more similar stuff, post it and make the world smile

                Comment


                  Re: ::: Creating that gorgeous smile of the day :::

                  Originally posted by The Sea-Otter View Post
                  That jalapeno thing....is that from the Bellamy Brothers song "Jalapeno"? :P
                  10 great thoughts, and if you have more similar stuff, post it and make the world smile
                  It all actually came from ehp, our Lady E.
                  With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

                  Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
                  Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com
                  Old forum: http://captainsvoyage.7.forumer.com/
                  Join us: Save the "Kong Olav" on facebook

                  Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

                  Comment


                    Re: ::: Creating that gorgeous smile of the day :::

                    Computer upgrade, the budget way:

                    With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

                    Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
                    Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com
                    Old forum: http://captainsvoyage.7.forumer.com/
                    Join us: Save the "Kong Olav" on facebook

                    Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

                    Comment


                      Re: ::: Creating that gorgeous smile of the day :::

                      Something tells me this is not correct:

                      With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

                      Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
                      Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com
                      Old forum: http://captainsvoyage.7.forumer.com/
                      Join us: Save the "Kong Olav" on facebook

                      Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

                      Comment


                        Re: ::: Creating that gorgeous smile of the day :::

                        From Lady E, a message to not be a bully:











                        With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

                        Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
                        Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com
                        Old forum: http://captainsvoyage.7.forumer.com/
                        Join us: Save the "Kong Olav" on facebook

                        Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

                        Comment


                          Re: ::: Creating that gorgeous smile of the day :::

                          I guess I could have put this under "photography" somewhere, but I saw this amazing short film on the blog "Improvised Life". Not quite sure how to imbed it, so here's a link....Dark Side of the Lens Why Creative People Do What They Do.
                          Last edited by ehp; May 29th, 2011, 18:11.

                          Comment


                            Re: ::: Creating that gorgeous smile of the day :::

                            Three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in honor their parents 50th Anniversary.

                            "Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed son number one ....'Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift."

                            "Not to worry," said the father. "The important thing is that we're all together today."

                            Son number two arrived and announced, "You and Mom look great, Dad.
                            I just flew in from LA between depositions and didn't have time to shop for you."

                            "It's nothing," said the father. "We're glad you were able to come."

                            Just then, the daughter arrived. "Hello and happy anniversary! I'm sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing so I didn't have time to get you anything.."

                            After they had finished dessert, the father said, "There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were very poor. Despite this, we were able to send each of you to college. Throughout the years your mother and I knew that we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married."

                            The three children gasped and all said, "You mean we're bastards?"

                            "Yep," said the father. "And cheap ones too."

                            Comment


                              Re: ::: Creating that gorgeous smile of the day :::

                              A bit funny.... if Jesus was born today:

                              With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

                              Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
                              Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com
                              Old forum: http://captainsvoyage.7.forumer.com/
                              Join us: Save the "Kong Olav" on facebook

                              Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

                              Comment


                                Re: ::: Creating that gorgeous smile of the day :::

                                Making Millions

                                A boat docked in a tiny seaside village. An American tourist complimented the local fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

                                "Not very long," answered the fisherman.

                                "But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American. The fisherman explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

                                The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

                                "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my frie nds, play the guitar, and sing a few songs...I have a full life."

                                The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard, and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."

                                "And after that?" asked the fisherman.

                                "With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers.

                                Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to the city, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."

                                "How long would that take?" asked the fisherman.

                                "Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American.

                                "And after that?"

                                "Afterwards? Well my Friend, That's when it gets really interesting," answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!"

                                "Millions? Really? And after that?" said the fisherman.

                                "After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings doing what you like and enjoying your friends."

                                Comment

                                Working...
                                X