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    Originally posted by Remarc View Post
    6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
    It is said that Southern girls can fix anything with duct tape and bailing twine.

    I do a pretty good job at being to be one of these girls.

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      Seen in a Pub toilet:

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        Rules for Marriage - From the mouths of babes

        1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

        -You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
        -- Alan, age 10 (good plan Alan)

        -No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
        -- Kristen, age 10

        2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

        Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
        -- Camille, age 10

        3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF 2 PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
        You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
        -- Derrick, age 8

        4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

        Both don't want any more kids.
        -- Lori, age 8

        5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

        -Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
        -- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

        -On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
        -- Martin, age 10

        6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

        -When they're rich.
        -- Pam, age 7

        -The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
        - - Curt, age 7

        -The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
        - - Howard, age 8

        7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

        It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
        -- Anita, age 9 (Bless you child.)

        8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

        There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
        -- Kelvin, age 8

        And the #1 Favorite is...

        9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

        Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
        -- Ricky , age 10

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          Women as explained by men:









          With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

          Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
          Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com

          Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

          Comment


            Good thing the "Girls of CVF" have extraordinary senses of humour!!

            I am going to share the first one with my son the math whiz, as he and his "insignificant other" have just parted ways....

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              In response, here is a link (I hope) to a very INTERESTING and educational animated flowchart...(enlarge the screen so you can read it in detail.....)

              http://www.slideboom.com/presentatio...02ca-3758-f8d8
              Last edited by ehp; April 9th, 2010, 16:32.

              Comment


                "Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak." -Alix Pryor

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                  Originally posted by ehp View Post
                  "Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak." -Alix Pryor
                  Alix is brilliant!
                  With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

                  Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
                  Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com

                  Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

                  Comment


                    SQUAWKS
                    Aircraft pilots submit maintenance complaints / problems, generally known as squawks, from time to time and after attending to the squawks, maintenance crews are required to log the details of the action taken to solve the pilot logged problem. Here are some squawks, recently submitted by QANTAS pilots and the action taken there after. P = The problem logged by the pilot, S = The solution and action taken by the mechanics .

                    P - Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
                    S - Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

                    P - Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
                    S - Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

                    P - No.2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
                    S - No.2 propeller seepage normal - Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

                    P - Target radar hums.
                    S - Reprogrammed target radar with words

                    P - Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent
                    S - Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

                    P - Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
                    S - Evidence removed.

                    P - DME volume unbelievably loud.
                    S - Volume set to more believable level.

                    P - Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
                    S - That's what they are there for!

                    P - IFF inoperative.
                    S - IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

                    P - Suspected crack in windscreen.
                    S - Suspect you're right.

                    P - Number 3 engine missing.
                    S - Engine found on right wing after brief search.

                    P - Aircraft handles funny
                    S - Aircraft warned to "Straighten up, Fly Right and Be Serious."
                    Last edited by wherrygirl; April 11th, 2010, 11:49.
                    Ivy

                    "To thine own self be true.......
                    Thou canst not then be false to any man."

                    Comment


                      The Donkey

                      Young Chuck, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.'
                      Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'
                      The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'
                      Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
                      The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?
                      Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
                      The farmer said, You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'
                      Chuck said, 'Sure I can. Watch me.. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
                      A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'
                      Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00.'
                      The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
                      Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'
                      Chuck now works for the government.

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                        The Buffalo Theory Explained............ from Cheers


                        "Well you see, Normie, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo; and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.

                        This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.

                        Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells; but naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

                        And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

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                          Job Hunt

                          1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. Couldn't concentrate.

                          2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

                          3. After that, I tried being a Tailor, but wasn't suited for it -- mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

                          4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.

                          5. Then, tried being a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but just didn't have the thyme.

                          6. Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it... couldn't cut the mustard.

                          7. My best job was a Musician, but eventually found I wasn't noteworthy.

                          8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but didn't have any patience.

                          9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. Tried hard but just didn't fit in.

                          10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered I couldn't live on my net income.

                          11. Managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.

                          12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

                          13. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.

                          14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but had to quit because it was the same old grind.

                          15. SO, I TRIED Retirement AND FOUND I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!




                          CHEERS !!!!!!!!!

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                              Ash in the air

                              Old Paddy and his crew was going back to work on a Oil Rig in Saudi.
                              Before boarding the B-747 at Heathrow they were well "Likered up" (And more on the way. After all it was last change before the desert, literally speaking)

                              Somewhere over the Med the Captain came up on the Tannoy and said; "Sorry to let you know but Stromboli has blown up and we got into a bit of volcanic ash up here. One of our engines have stopped, but don't worry, this aircraft can fly on three engines. We will be a bit delayed arriving at Riyadh, however".

                              "No worries mate, we'r not in a hurry, we'r going to WORK, not going HOME. Cheers!!! Stewardess, bring some more whiskey."

                              A little while later the Pilot announced that he had lost the second engine, but a B-747 can fly on two, only it will be a bit more delay.

                              But when he announced that the third engine was down, Paddy got a little worried; "If we loose that last engine WE WILL BE UP HERE FOR EVER"

                              Just though this would fit in with today's sentiments.

                              Comment


                                Originally posted by ehp View Post
                                I get it that it feels like this in your home from time to time, Lady E?
                                With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

                                Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
                                Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com

                                Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

                                Comment

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