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    This just made me think of the Captain...for SOME reason...

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      Originally posted by ehp View Post
      This just made me think of the Captain...for SOME reason...
      Now i wonder what you could possibly mean by that?, surely not his personal attachment to a certain make of computer?
      Your charts, your radar, your eyes and ears - if all 4 agree, you may proceed with caution.

      Comment


        Originally posted by Oistein View Post


        This book must be published worldwide, because i know at least two people that must have read it!
        Your charts, your radar, your eyes and ears - if all 4 agree, you may proceed with caution.

        Comment


          I like Meerkats, and I love this latest installment from Aleksandr Orlov!



          Please ignore the fact it's an advert!
          Your charts, your radar, your eyes and ears - if all 4 agree, you may proceed with caution.

          Comment


            Having checked that we do not have any under aged members here, I take a chance on adding this little funny ti-bit on the side... (which was submitted by e-mail to me)...

            Renault and Ford are working on a new small car for women.

            They are mixing the Renault Clio and the Ford Taurus, and calling it the "Clitaurus." It comes in pink and the average male thief won't be able to find it, even if someone tells him where it is.
            With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

            Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
            Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com

            Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

            Comment


              I'm way off on the naughty scale today, but it was just too good to be deleted:

              Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America:

              Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as 'HILLBILLIES.'

              You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS .



              And furthermore

              HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

              1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a ' BREASTED AMERICAN. '

              2. She is not 'EASY' - She is 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE..'

              3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY..'

              4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a 'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'

              5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes ' VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'

              6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a ' LOW COST PROVIDER.'

              HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

              1.. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a 'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'

              2.. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is ' OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'

              3... He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He ' INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS..'

              4.. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'

              5.. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'

              6.. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's 'TROUSER CLEAVAGE..'
              With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

              Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
              Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com

              Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

              Comment


                Also from my e-mails:

                Politically Correct Greeting of the Season...

                Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2010, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere . Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or ***ual preference of the wish.
                With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

                Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
                Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com

                Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

                Comment


                  As Alix's 16th birthday was last week, in THIS week's paper, we placed the same ad we did after AJ's 16th birthday, warning folks of her impending driving ability....though it would give everyone a giggle if I shared it.....

                  Comment


                    Originally posted by ehp View Post
                    ....though it would give everyone a giggle if I shared it.....
                    Your right, it did!
                    Your charts, your radar, your eyes and ears - if all 4 agree, you may proceed with caution.

                    Comment


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                        I laughed out loud at the following....

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                            That last one is just hilarious!
                            With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

                            Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
                            Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com

                            Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

                            Comment


                              Directly from Captain Grumpy Guy!!!!!


                              Drafting Guys over 60

                              New Direction for any war: Send Service Veterans over 60!

                              I am over 60 and the Armed Forces think I'm too old to track down terrorists. Presently, you can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing a$$-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

                              For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about *** every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about *** a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

                              Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

                              An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.

                              If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

                              Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

                              They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

                              Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

                              An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head...

                              These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

                              Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

                              How about recruiting Women over 50 ...in menopause!!! You think Men have attitudes !!! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!!

                              If nothing else, put them on border patrol.... They will have it secured the first night!

                              Comment


                                THE VIBRATOR

                                As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom
                                door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from
                                within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter
                                with a vibrator.

                                Shocked, she asked: 'what in the world are you
                                doing?'

                                The daughter replied: 'Mum, I'm thirty-five years
                                old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as
                                I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and
                                leave me alone.'

                                The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz
                                coming from the other side of the closed bedroom
                                door. Upon entering the room, he observed his
                                daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.

                                To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter
                                said: 'dad I'm thirty-five, unmarried, and this
                                thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a
                                husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.'

                                A couple days later, the wife came home from a
                                shopping trip ,
                                placed the groceries on the kitchen
                                counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from,
                                of all places, the living room. She entered that
                                area and observed her husband sitting on the couch,
                                downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV...

                                The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing
                                like crazy..

                                The wife asked: 'What the f... Are you doing?'

                                The husband replied: 'I'm watching football with my
                                Son-in-law.'

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