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    We all deserve at least one smile each and every day.





    With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

    Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
    Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com

    Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

    Comment


      With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

      Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
      Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com

      Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

      Comment


        A smile is the best medicine of the day!





        With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

        Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
        Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com

        Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

        Comment


          Confusing road marking in Trondheim:

          With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

          Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
          Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com

          Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

          Comment


            I surprised you even noticed the road marking with that distracting green sign on the right!!!!!!!!!!

            Comment


              Originally posted by Seagull View Post
              I surprised you even noticed the road marking with that distracting green sign on the right!!!!!!!!!!
              Good one....!

              Which green sign?
              With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

              Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
              Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com

              Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

              Comment


                New Mexico Chili Cook off.


                If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for you. This is an actual account as relayed to Paramedics at a chili cook-off in New Mexico.

                Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better.

                For those of you who have lived in New Mexico, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Santa Fe Plaza.

                Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chile taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.

                Frank: 'Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge #3.'

                Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

                CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI

                Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
                Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
                Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These New Mexicans are crazy.

                CHILI # 2 - EL RANCHO'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

                Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
                Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
                Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

                CHILI # 3 - ALFREDO'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

                Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
                Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
                Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced from all of the beer.

                CHILI #4 BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

                Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
                Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a,chili.
                Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. Woman is starting to look HOT ... Just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

                CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

                Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
                Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement.
                Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.

                CHILI # 6 - VARGA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

                Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
                Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.
                Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

                CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

                Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
                Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
                Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

                CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI

                Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
                Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
                Judge # 3 -- No report.

                Comment


                  Tiger Jokes

                  The below Tiger Woods joks lifted from Timesonline:

                  One: Apparently, the only person who can beat Tiger Woods with a golf club is his wife

                  Two: What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards

                  Three: Tiger Woods was injured in a car accident as he pulled out of his driveway early Friday morning. It was Woods' shortest drive since an errant tee shot at the US Open.

                  Four: What was Tiger Woods doing out at 2.30 in the morning? He'd gone clubbing

                  Five: Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron

                  Six: Perhaps Tiger should be using a driver?

                  Seven: This is the first time Tiger’s ever failed to drive 300 yards

                  Eight: Apparently, Tiger admitted this crash was the closest shave he’s ever had. So Gillette has dropped his contract.

                  Nine: Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash. He's still below par though

                  Ten: Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.

                  Got any better ones?

                  Comment


                    A modern day fairy tale?

                    Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?'

                    The girl said, 'NO!'

                    And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went hunting and fishing and played poker a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

                    ~ The End
                    With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

                    Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
                    Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com

                    Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

                    Comment


                      This is too funny to be dirty - enjoy!

                      The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had *** together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

                      'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'

                      'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'

                      'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

                      A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having *** against a fence.. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

                      The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious *** that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

                      The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

                      After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

                      So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic *** life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

                      Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'

                      Comment


                        More on the Tiger Woods saga:

                        All the ridicule you have to suffer just because you are a celebrity billionaire

                        Comment


                          Originally posted by pakarang View Post
                          A modern day fairy tale?

                          Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?'

                          The girl said, 'NO!'

                          And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went hunting and fishing and played poker a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

                          ~ The End
                          NOOOOO, Jan-Olav....it goes like THIS...

                          Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy," Will you marry me?

                          The guy said "No!"

                          And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, drank martinis with friends, always had a clean houes, never had to cook, had a closet full of shoes and handbags, stayed skinny, and was never farted on.

                          ~The End

                          Comment


                            the ping pong ball in the ear made me laugh

                            Comment


                              Originally posted by ehp View Post
                              NOOOOO, Jan-Olav....it goes like THIS...

                              Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy," Will you marry me?

                              The guy said "No!"

                              And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, drank martinis with friends, always had a clean houes, never had to cook, had a closet full of shoes and handbags, stayed skinny, and was never farted on.

                              ~The End
                              I never saw that one coming....
                              With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

                              Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
                              Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com

                              Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

                              Comment


                                Just remember as you read this,this person probably drives AND votes!
                                And may have already reproduced.


                                Comment

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