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  • ::: Creating that gorgeous smile of the day :::

    This is the continuation of our previous board thread with the same name, and a place where we can share funny images, stories and other items.

    Remember that a smile goes a long way and that happiness is rewarded by a longer and healthier life.

    The thread started here on the old board:

    http://captainsvoyage.7.forumer.com/...asc&highlight=

    We naturally continue here.
    With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

    Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
    Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com
    Old forum: http://captainsvoyage.7.forumer.com/
    Join us: Save the "Kong Olav" on facebook

    Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.


  • #2
    Fascinating information on our crazy changing world. The numbers absolutely astound me......especially with a son going off to college to study engineering next year.........

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cL9Wu2kWwSY

    Last edited by pakarang; December 17th, 2008, 19:21. Reason: Embedded the YouTube VDO for you...

    Comment


    • #3
      Hmm.. Unbelievable.. Where will this end ???
      "I may not be able to control the wind, but I can adjust my sails."

      Enthusiastically regards
      Torbjørn Nybø

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by ehp View Post
        Fascinating information on our crazy changing world. The numbers absolutely astound me......especially with a son going off to college to study engineering next year.........
        WAOWOOOWWW... that was an extremely interesting piece... I had to watch it several times over and over again....

        In ... was it 2049? ... a US$1000 computer will have the computing capacity of the ENTIRE human race!! I'm in shock... !

        Not to fall into the gutter, but what exactly is Broadband Internet Penetration?

        Thank you so much for sharing that clip with us... got to go and see it a fifth time now!
        With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

        Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
        Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com
        Old forum: http://captainsvoyage.7.forumer.com/
        Join us: Save the "Kong Olav" on facebook

        Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

        Comment


        • #5
          CD Player

          While shopping for a CD player, I was able to decipher most of the technicalese on the promotional signs.

          One designation had me puzzled, though, so I called over a salesperson and asked, "What does 'hybrid pulse D/A converter' mean?"

          That means", he said, "that this machine will read the digital information that is encoded on CDs and convert it into an audio signal - that is, into music."

          "In other words this CD player plays CDs."

          "Exactly."

          Cars vs. Computers part 1

          General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers -- but imagine if they did...

          HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"

          CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!"

          HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"

          CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?"

          HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine."

          CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?"

          Doctor's Affair

          A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him that she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.

          "But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked.

          He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write "spaghetti" on the back. I'll take care of expenses." Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

          Six months went by, and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and said, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means."

          The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you."

          Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, and fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the hospital emergency room. The head medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.

          So the wife picked up the card and read: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs; two without."

          Sniper

          General Baldwin had barely arrived in the forward area when a sniper's bullet removed a button from his shirt. He threw himself to the ground in terror. The men stood around with the greatest unconcern.

          The general yelled at a passing sergeant. "Hey, isn't somebody going to kill that darned sniper?"

          The sergeant looked down at the general and replied: "I guess not, general. We're scared that if we kill him the enemy will replace him with somebody who really knows how to shoot."
          With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

          Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
          Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com
          Old forum: http://captainsvoyage.7.forumer.com/
          Join us: Save the "Kong Olav" on facebook

          Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

          Comment


          • #6
            Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas, and oil, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

            We apologize for any inconvenience.
            With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

            Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
            Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com
            Old forum: http://captainsvoyage.7.forumer.com/
            Join us: Save the "Kong Olav" on facebook

            Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by pakarang View Post
              Not to fall into the gutter, but what exactly is Broadband Internet Penetration?
              You know I was already in the gutter waiting for you...

              Comment


              • #8
                As we have reached that time of year when physics students are busy sitting exams, I thought I'd send this along...if you've read it before, it's still great.....(no, I wasn't in the class....I'm the artsy type, remember???)

                Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic?

                A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question:

                "Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof."

                Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.

                One student, however, wrote the following:

                First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

                As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since most people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

                Second, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.

                This gives two possibilities:
                1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

                2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

                So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Miss Theresa Banyan during my freshman year that, "It will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded with her, then #2 cannot be true, and so Hell is exothermic.

                The student got the only A.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Wrong Rescue

                  Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars."

                  The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred dollars?"

                  The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law."

                  The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"

                  Cars vs. Computers part 2

                  General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers -- but imagine if they did...

                  HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"

                  CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"

                  HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?"

                  CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know!?"

                  HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and markings from 'E' to 'F.' Where is the needle pointing?"

                  CUSTOMER: "It's pointing to 'E.' What does that mean?"

                  HELPLINE: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the vendor to install it for you."

                  CUSTOMER: "What!?" I paid $12,000. for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!"

                  Reasonable Fee

                  A man phones a lawyer and asks, "How much would you charge for just answering three simple questions?"

                  The lawyer replies, "A thousand dollars."

                  "A thousand dollars!" exclaims the man. "That's very expensive isn't it?"

                  "It certainly is," says the lawyer. "Now, what's your third question?"
                  With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

                  Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
                  Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com
                  Old forum: http://captainsvoyage.7.forumer.com/
                  Join us: Save the "Kong Olav" on facebook

                  Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Drunken Language...

                    Things That Are Difficult To Say When You're Drunk:
                    1. Innovative
                    2. Preliminary
                    3. Proliferation
                    4. Cinnamon

                    Things That Are Very Difficult To Say When You're Drunk:
                    1. Specificity
                    2. Anti-constitutionalistically
                    3. Passive-aggressive disorder
                    4. Transubstantiate

                    Things That Are Downright Impossible To Say When You're Drunk:
                    1. Thanks, but I don't want to have ***.
                    2. Nope, no more booze for me!
                    3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
                    4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
                    5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
                    6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
                    7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
                    8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
                    9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to piss in this parking lot or on the road side.
                    10. I must be going home now as I have to work in the morning.
                    "I may not be able to control the wind, but I can adjust my sails."

                    Enthusiastically regards
                    Torbjørn Nybø

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Farmer Joe was in his car when he was hit by a truck. He decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?" said the lawyer.
                      Farmer Joe responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the...." "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question."
                      "Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'!"
                      Farmer Joe said, "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...."
                      The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
                      By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie."
                      Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other.
                      I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.
                      Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
                      Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?"
                      "I may not be able to control the wind, but I can adjust my sails."

                      Enthusiastically regards
                      Torbjørn Nybø

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which
                        conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during
                        the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct
                        the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form
                        what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets
                        before the next flight.
                        Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
                        humor!
                        Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as
                        submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance
                        engineers.
                        (P = the problem logged by the pilot.)
                        (S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)

                        P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
                        S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

                        P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
                        S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

                        P: Something loose in ****pit.
                        S: Something tightened in ****pit.

                        P: Dead bugs on windshield.
                        S: Live bugs on back-order.

                        P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
                        S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

                        P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
                        S: Evidence removed.

                        P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
                        S: DME volume set to more believable level.

                        P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
                        S: That's what they're there for.

                        P: IFF inoperative.
                        S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

                        P: Suspected crack in windshield.
                        S: Suspect you're right.

                        P: Number 3 engine missing.
                        S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

                        P: Aircraft handles funny.
                        S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

                        P: Target radar hums.
                        S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

                        P: Mouse in ****pit.
                        S: Cat installed.

                        P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
                        on something with a hammer.
                        S: Took hammer away from midget.
                        "I may not be able to control the wind, but I can adjust my sails."

                        Enthusiastically regards
                        Torbjørn Nybø

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Look into my eyes,if you can....

                          Best wishes from
                          Bengt Domben

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Asimut View Post
                            Look into my eyes,if you can....
                            That one could be used as an alcho-test for Christmas....
                            With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

                            Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
                            Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com
                            Old forum: http://captainsvoyage.7.forumer.com/
                            Join us: Save the "Kong Olav" on facebook

                            Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              If Only You Had Looked

                              Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation.

                              "How'd you die?" the first man asks the second.

                              "I froze to death," says the second.

                              "That's awful," says the first man. "How does it feel to freeze to death?"

                              "It's very uncomfortable at first," says the second man. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How about you, how did you die?"

                              "I had a heart attack," says the first man. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I rushed down to the basement, but no one was hiding there. I ran up to the second floor, but found no one there either. I went as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died."

                              The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic," he says.

                              "What do you mean?" asks the first man.

                              "If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both be still alive."
                              With best regards from Jan-Olav Storli

                              Administrator and Owner of CaptainsVoyage.
                              Main page: http://www.captainsvoyage.com
                              Old forum: http://captainsvoyage.7.forumer.com/
                              Join us: Save the "Kong Olav" on facebook

                              Surround yourself with positive, ethical people who are committed to excellence.

                              Comment

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